The reason this is so upsetting to me is probably because I've been blessed beyond belief by uplifting and encouraging friends in my life, and I desperately need that. I don't know where I would be without the self-sacrificing and loyal friends that I have! So since I need those good friends in my life, I would assume that other people need that as well. After all, we were designed to live in relationship. The problem is, good friends are hard to come by these days...and that to me is incredibly sad. There's such a selfish mentality that exists in society's idea of friendship, and as a result, jealousy, rage, back-stabbing, and the "I'm not gonna let you play with my barbies anymore" bickering are far too common. It amazes me how two girls can be best friends one minute, and the next minute they're plotting ways to make each other's lives miserable. That's NOT friendship! People base their friendships on what they can get out of the relationship, but they don't realize that as a result of this mentality, they're depriving themselves of a raw, deep, and true friendship. They miss everything that friendship could be. And that is truly tragic.
The actual word for "friend" in most languages goes back the words "to love," and since our society has no idea what love actually is, I would argue that we have no idea what friendship actually is. The ultimate source of truth shows us what love and friendship look like: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Cor. 13:4-6) Friendship isn't having someone to get drunk with, and it's not having someone to do things with when you get bored. It's sitting in a Wafflehouse at 2am watching someone spill their guts and comforting them when they're done. It's taking the extra measure to make someone's day a little bit brighter. It's rejoicing in someone's accomplishments, even if it leaves you in the dust. It's seeking to better someone else rather than yourself. True friendship is always about the other, not the self. If you have an attitude of selflessness in a friendship, 9 times out of 10 they will have the same attitude towards you. In order to receive a true friend, you have to be a true friend.
Seems like people these days have it flip-flopped, and are only "friends" with people for themselves. They say, "I'm first. What do you have to offer me?" I would say that they don't have even have a "friend"ship, they have a "self"ship. Those relationships aren't full of love, they're full of self. And far too many people are getting broken again and again due to these relationships.
This friendship problem exists among believers and unbelievers alike, which really should NOT be happening. John 13 says that the world should be able to recognize us as disciples by our love for each other. That's it. No need for bumper stickers, tracts, or street preaching. The world should be able to see our love for each other as a family that is united with one purpose and say, "They are truly friends that look out for each other. THAT'S different. I've never seen that. I want that." Do we love each other enough to be friends? Because friends do more than serve in the children's ministry together. They do life together. They stick it out together through thick and thin. Do we love each other enough to forgive and forget? Do we love each other enough to bless a believer who has hurt us? Do we love each other in a self-sacrificial, intentional, inconvenient, and unconditional way? Do we love each other in a way that looks different than the rest of the world?
So maybe you're reading this and you're like, "Yeah, duh. I already love my church and the body of believers and I would literally die for them!" That's fantastic! I'm so glad. If you are, you should be attracting other non-believers to want what you have, right? Here's the second challenge: be a friend to those people. Those people being the neighbors that throw parties every night. Those people being the co-workers who spill relationship drama every time you see them. Those people being the grumpy lonely man across the road. Are we willing to be friends to those people?
And here's a problem that I've noticed in my own life. I kind of translated "friendship" with non-believers to mean serving them. Yes, service is a part of friendship, but service does not equal friendship. I've noticed this not only in my life, but in the church as well. We're willing to serve the non-believing community, but we're not willing to befriend it. We'd rather wash someone's car in the name of Jesus and be done with them, rather than visiting every week and catching up on life. We'd rather throw a giant block-party than invite people over to our houses every week for a meal. Christianity claims that it's about a relationship rather than works, but the world sees works rather than relationships. Friendship is harder, but it's what the world desperately needs. The world just needs people to be better friends to them and to care about them. More specifically, they need a friendship with Jesus. They crave a friendship with Jesus, and since Jesus lives in us, why can't we offer that friendship to them in hopes of them finding Jesus? Don't get me wrong, service is an incredible thing and can say a lot, but how much more does a friendship say? Given the choice of a clean car or a loyal friend, I'd pick the friend every time because quite honestly, they're rare these days.
Now, some people would read this and say, "Hooooold on! The Bible tells me to choose my friends wisely and to only hang out with good influences!" Yes, there's 1 Corinthians 15:33 "Do not be misled: 'Bad company corrupts good character." We do need to carefully consider who our close friends are. Our inner-circle, if you will, because these are the people that help shape our character and bring us closer to (or further from) holiness. But throughout the gospels you see Jesus being friends with "sinners." He didn't just take cookies to Zacchaeus's house, explain the Gospel, and leave. He ate with him. He hung out with him. And I could imagine that anytime Jesus was in the neighborhood he would stop by just to say hello. He served, yes. But (like always) he took it a step further. He loved. He cared. He was a devoted friend, and THAT'S what made him different. And that's what I see that the world needs.
So, I've resolved to be more intentional in my relationships and to be a better friend to everyone, believers and non-believers. It's gonna be difficult and awkward at times, but intentionality is what distinguishes our God from every other. Our God became flesh, became awkward, became uncomfortable, in order to be friends with us. So let's do the same.
And here's a problem that I've noticed in my own life. I kind of translated "friendship" with non-believers to mean serving them. Yes, service is a part of friendship, but service does not equal friendship. I've noticed this not only in my life, but in the church as well. We're willing to serve the non-believing community, but we're not willing to befriend it. We'd rather wash someone's car in the name of Jesus and be done with them, rather than visiting every week and catching up on life. We'd rather throw a giant block-party than invite people over to our houses every week for a meal. Christianity claims that it's about a relationship rather than works, but the world sees works rather than relationships. Friendship is harder, but it's what the world desperately needs. The world just needs people to be better friends to them and to care about them. More specifically, they need a friendship with Jesus. They crave a friendship with Jesus, and since Jesus lives in us, why can't we offer that friendship to them in hopes of them finding Jesus? Don't get me wrong, service is an incredible thing and can say a lot, but how much more does a friendship say? Given the choice of a clean car or a loyal friend, I'd pick the friend every time because quite honestly, they're rare these days.
Now, some people would read this and say, "Hooooold on! The Bible tells me to choose my friends wisely and to only hang out with good influences!" Yes, there's 1 Corinthians 15:33 "Do not be misled: 'Bad company corrupts good character." We do need to carefully consider who our close friends are. Our inner-circle, if you will, because these are the people that help shape our character and bring us closer to (or further from) holiness. But throughout the gospels you see Jesus being friends with "sinners." He didn't just take cookies to Zacchaeus's house, explain the Gospel, and leave. He ate with him. He hung out with him. And I could imagine that anytime Jesus was in the neighborhood he would stop by just to say hello. He served, yes. But (like always) he took it a step further. He loved. He cared. He was a devoted friend, and THAT'S what made him different. And that's what I see that the world needs.
So, I've resolved to be more intentional in my relationships and to be a better friend to everyone, believers and non-believers. It's gonna be difficult and awkward at times, but intentionality is what distinguishes our God from every other. Our God became flesh, became awkward, became uncomfortable, in order to be friends with us. So let's do the same.
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