Living for More Than Facebook

I finally feel like I have a pretty good relationship with social media these days.  Unfortunately, I can’t claim that I had the will-power or discipline to wean myself off of it. I just didn’t want to pay for wifi (or a smartphone). But it wasn’t until 2 months without wifi that I realized I had finally broken my social media addiction. Shortly after this realization, I also became aware of just how addicted to social media I originally was.  Not only was I on it constantly, but I found myself doing things, and taking pictures of me doing things, for the sole purpose of posting it on Facebook.

I mean, everyone else’s lives look so awesome and exciting…so I have to post things showing that my life is awesome and exciting too, right? Otherwise, I just look like a total lame-o. A boring do-nothing. An “eh” person in a sea of “whoah!” people. They have to know I’m not boring! I’m a cool person! …Sort of. I just know I’m not lame, so everyone else needs to know too, right? And boring facebook page = boring person….so…let’s work on my page.

At least, that was my thinking.

Which is obviously complete folly.

In a way, I was living for Facebook. I would document my every semi-cool experience to post on social media in order to impress people. I would do things that I don’t think I would normally do just to show people that I can do those things. When I went out with friends, I would post a funny status and tag all of the people I just hung out with so that everyone knows I actually have friends. I know what you’re thinking: wow, she’s very insecure. To which I respond: yes, absolutely. And I still have some insecurities to deal with, but (thanks to God) I’m nowhere near where I was. I realize I may be the only person who uses social media in this way, but this is what really happened. This is me spilling out this struggle…which is what blogs are for (sometimes).

Well, after living with no internet, I stopped looking at everyone else’s Facebook page, and consequently I stopped looking at my own. But I kept being me. I kept doing the things that I love. I kept reading books that I wanted to read. I kept having dance parties. The only difference was that I could no longer tell everyone about every single thing that I’m doing. And it honestly didn’t bother me. In fact, I believe I reached a new level of enjoying those things because I didn’t tell everyone about it, and I didn’t care who knew. It was just simple design: God made it for enjoyment, so I was enjoying it.

It’s amazing how much self-consciousness can take away from a view of a mountaintop. Or the ocean. Or the fun of good company. I think the true beauty of those things lies in a sense of self-inattention. Suddenly, you’re not the most awesome thing on the planet. In an instant, in the time it takes your ears to perceive a sound, or in the minuscule millisecond it takes for your eyes to fixate on a scene, you realize the world is bigger than you. You’re a tiny thread woven into a much bigger design. And it’s beautiful. Perhaps when you’ve experienced this, you began to entertain this thought. But before this thought had fully been birthed, you pulled out your iphone and made it all about you again. The longer I live, the more I realize how self-focus ruins everything.

When was the last time you took a walk through the woods and told no one else about it? (Okay, maybe you should tell one person for safety, but you get my point). When was the last time you truly gazed at a sunset instead of taking insufficient pictures of it to show everyone your awesome view of the awesome sunset in your awesome town? When was the last time you laughed with friends and genuinely enjoyed their presence without any influence or thought of social media? The last time you went out with your significant other and didn’t snap a selfie for Facebook purposes? If you’re having a hard time remembering, you may be missing the full wondrous effect of doing those things because you’ve tainted the noble purpose of doing them with self-focused motives. You’re no longer just enjoying time with your wife. You’re spending time with your wife and then posting about it to show everyone that you’re a good husband. Or, you’re no longer purely enjoying the soft breeze of the oceanfront. You’re enjoying the breeze, and then telling everyone about it so they can admire how “down-to-earth” you are. You’ve ruined the pure simplicity, beauty, and blessing that comes from those moments by adding an ulterior motive. And that to me is kind of tragic.

I’m not saying we should never take pictures or post about awesome things we’re experiencing. I love pictures. I love memories!  I’m definitely one to take pictures of a challenging hike or a breath-taking view of the ocean or me and a group of friends at the fair. But what I am questioning is our motive for doing those things. I seriously think there’s a mental and experiential difference between taking those pictures for my own sake and then taking them for the sake of showing everyone else. It’s the difference between being and proving to be. Being is effortless and enjoyable. Proving to be is exhausting and miserable, even if you’re proving what you actually are. And I’ve definitely suffered from the effects of trying to prove to be something, whether it was something I am or something I wish I was.

So in a series of subtle life-style changes, I decided to start living for much more than my virtual reputation.  I started doing things that I enjoy for no other reason than the fact that I enjoy them. I stopped posting to prove myself to everyone else. I’m still not where I want to be in this area, but I’ve seriously improved. And if someone looks at my empty Facebook page and concludes that I’m a boring person, well…that’s fine with me. I might actually make that a goal. Because the more my page sucks, the more I’m out chatting with someone or reading a book or doing something that I actually like. Because I don’t want to live on Facebook and I don’t want to live for Facebook. And you shouldn’t either.

You've Got a Friend in Me

I've recently discovered something about the world that I find particularly disturbing: our society is full of terrible friends.  Like, really terrible.

The reason this is so upsetting to me is probably because I've been blessed beyond belief by uplifting and encouraging friends in my life, and I desperately need that.  I don't know where I would be without the self-sacrificing and loyal friends that I have!  So since I need those good friends in my life, I would assume that other people need that as well.  After all, we were designed to live in relationship.  The problem is, good friends are hard to come by these days...and that to me is incredibly sad.  There's such a selfish mentality that exists in society's idea of friendship, and as a result, jealousy, rage, back-stabbing, and the "I'm not gonna let you play with my barbies anymore" bickering are far too common.  It amazes me how two girls can be best friends one minute, and the next minute they're plotting ways to make each other's lives miserable. That's NOT friendship!  People base their friendships on what they can get out of the relationship, but they don't realize that as a result of this mentality, they're depriving themselves of a raw, deep, and true friendship.  They miss everything that friendship could be.  And that is truly tragic.

The actual word for "friend" in most languages goes back the words "to love," and since our society has no idea what love actually is, I would argue that we have no idea what friendship actually is.  The ultimate source of truth shows us what love and friendship look like: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Cor. 13:4-6) Friendship isn't having someone to get drunk with, and it's not having someone to do things with when you get bored.  It's sitting in a Wafflehouse at 2am watching someone spill their guts and comforting them when they're done.  It's taking the extra measure to make someone's day a little bit brighter.  It's rejoicing in someone's accomplishments, even if it leaves you in the dust.  It's seeking to better someone else rather than yourself.  True friendship is always about the other, not the self.  If you have an attitude of selflessness in a friendship, 9 times out of 10 they will have the same attitude towards you.  In order to receive a true friend, you have to be a true friend.

Seems like people these days have it flip-flopped, and are only "friends" with people for themselves.  They say, "I'm first. What do you have to offer me?"  I would say that they don't have even have a "friend"ship, they have a "self"ship.  Those relationships aren't full of love, they're full of self.  And far too many people are getting broken again and again due to these relationships.

This friendship problem exists among believers and unbelievers alike, which really should NOT be happening.  John 13 says that the world should be able to recognize us as disciples by our love for each other.  That's it.  No need for bumper stickers, tracts, or street preaching.  The world should be able to see our love for each other as a family that is united with one purpose and say, "They are truly friends that look out for each other. THAT'S different. I've never seen that. I want that."  Do we love each other enough to be friends?  Because friends do more than serve in the children's ministry together.  They do life together.  They stick it out together through thick and thin.  Do we love each other enough to forgive and forget? Do we love each other enough to bless a believer who has hurt us?  Do we love each other in a self-sacrificial, intentional, inconvenient, and unconditional way? Do we love each other in a way that looks different than the rest of the world?

So maybe you're reading this and you're like, "Yeah, duh. I already love my church and the body of believers and I would literally die for them!" That's fantastic! I'm so glad.  If you are, you should be attracting other non-believers to want what you have, right?  Here's the second challenge: be a friend to those people.  Those people being the neighbors that throw parties every night.  Those people being the co-workers who spill relationship drama every time you see them.  Those people being the grumpy lonely man across the road.  Are we willing to be friends to those people?

And here's a problem that I've noticed in my own life.  I kind of translated "friendship" with non-believers to mean serving them.  Yes, service is a part of friendship, but service does not equal friendship. I've noticed this not only in my life, but in the church as well.  We're willing to serve the non-believing community, but we're not willing to befriend it. We'd rather wash someone's car in the name of Jesus and be done with them, rather than visiting every week and catching up on life.  We'd rather throw a giant block-party than invite people over to our houses every week for a meal.  Christianity claims that it's about a relationship rather than works, but the world sees works rather than relationships.  Friendship is harder, but it's what the world desperately needs.  The world just needs people to be better friends to them and to care about them.  More specifically, they need a friendship with Jesus.  They crave a friendship with Jesus, and since Jesus lives in us, why can't we offer that friendship to them in hopes of them finding Jesus?  Don't get me wrong, service is an incredible thing and can say a lot, but how much more does a friendship say?  Given the choice of a clean car or a loyal friend, I'd pick the friend every time because quite honestly, they're rare these days.

Now, some people would read this and say, "Hooooold on! The Bible tells me to choose my friends wisely and to only hang out with good influences!" Yes, there's 1 Corinthians 15:33 "Do not be misled: 'Bad company corrupts good character."  We do need to carefully consider who our close friends are.  Our inner-circle, if you will, because these are the people that help shape our character and bring us closer to (or further from) holiness.  But throughout the gospels you see Jesus being friends with "sinners."  He didn't just take cookies to Zacchaeus's house, explain the Gospel, and leave.  He ate with him.  He hung out with him.  And I could imagine that anytime Jesus was in the neighborhood he would stop by just to say hello.  He served, yes.  But (like always) he took it a step further. He loved. He cared. He was a devoted friend, and THAT'S what made him different.  And that's what I see that the world needs.

So, I've resolved to be more intentional in my relationships and to be a better friend to everyone, believers and non-believers.  It's gonna be difficult and awkward at times, but intentionality is what distinguishes our God from every other.  Our God became flesh, became awkward, became uncomfortable, in order to be friends with us. So let's do the same.

The "Son of God" Movie - Support or Abort?

Last Friday my best friend/roommate/one of the most awesome people alive and I went to watch the "Son of God" movie in theaters.  I have to admit, even though the trailers made the movie look pretty stinkin' cool, I was still half-expecting another low-budget cheesy Jesus film with bad acting.  But no matter.  Anytime Hollywood portrays my Savior on the big screen, I want to see it.  So we went.  And I sat there, and pretty much cried my eyes out.  I actually thought it was good!  As I put myself in the footsteps of every character there, I was more and more amazed at everything that Jesus went through for us. For me.  I kept trying to imagine what it would've been like to be that woman who was caught in adultery, to be Peter walking on water, to be Simon and to be shoulder to shoulder helping my Lord carry his cross.  It was powerful to me because it's more than a story.  It's real.  In a sense, I AM the woman who was caught in adultery.  I AM the one marching beside Jesus with a heavy cross on my back.  There were several moments that opened my eyes to a new aspect of Jesus's life and how it applies to me.  And I thought it was good.

And then I come back and read this article that is completely hating on the whole thing because of how terribly inaccurate it was and how unbelievable it is that the church is supporting this movie.

Now, I understand that there were some differences between the movie and the real thing, and part of me is kind of frustrated that they feel the need to slightly alter some aspects of the story, but essentially...it's still the gospel.  It's still Christ, crucified for our sins, raised from the dead, coming back again someday for his Church.  Why would we not be overjoyed and happy that the story that changed our lives is being shown in theaters?  Oh, because it's not exactly the same as it actually was, so it's flawed theology, so it's bad.  Really?

The biggest differences between the movie and the Bible that I can recall are:

- In the Bible, Jesus weeps for Lazarus, in the movie he didn't
- Jesus didn't go inside the tomb to resurrect Lazarus, as the movie depicts
- When Jesus is pierced by a spear, his side leaked blood and water. The movie doesn't show this.
- The nails actually went in Jesus's wrists, not the palms of his hands
- The movie didn't clearly show the thick temple curtain ripping in half from top to bottom, though it did fall
- The movie made Jesus' scars to be HUGE gaping holes, which...could've happened, but it's not described this way in the Bible
- In the Bible, the scene where the woman is caught in adultery Jesus stoops down and writes on the ground.  In the movie he didn't
- In the Bible the soldiers don't rip Jesus's robe because it's seamless, but in the movie they rip it
- The Bible describes Jesus as being unattractive, but this Jesus was clearly attractive.
- In the Bible, roman guards watch over Jesus's tomb
- In the Bible, when Jesus rose from the dead both Marys went to the tomb first, and Peter and John followed
- Some events may have happened in a different order (but then again the gospels switch around the order of events at some points as well)

Now let me ask you; when was the last time you shared the gospel with someone and included all (or any) of these details?  Are these things necessary to understand our sin, our need for a Savior, Jesus Christ stepping in and fulfilling that need, God's grace, or Jesus's resurrection and triumph over the grave? No. They're supplemental, sure. But not necessary.  I think as Christians we may have missed the whole point of this movie.  It never claimed to be a flawless and biblically accurate depiction of Jesus's life.  It claimed to show the gospel, which (based on 1 Corinthians 15) I feel that it did.

Some people have also said that the producers of the movie, Roma Downey and Mark Burnett, are actually not even Christians.  They believe they are "New Agers" and are showing this movie with an ulterior motive.  And to this I say: WHO CARES?!  Christian or not, they displayed the gospel. Crystal clear.  It reminds me of when Paul is addressing the problem of men who are preaching Christ for their own selfish motives, to which he replies, "But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice." (Phil. 1:18)  To Paul, it doesn't matter who's saying the message.  As long as the message is the same, he rejoices that it's being told!  Throughout the Bible, God has shown that he uses anyone to get his message out: adulterers, prostitutes, tax collectors, murderers, polygamists, oppressive rulers...why could he not use a couple of "new age" movie producers for the same purpose?  If God waited for someone who is perfect with flawless theology to proclaim his story, it would never be told.  God's message is not discredited by our imperfections and less than holy ideas.

What have we become as Christians to be so critical and negative that we harshly bash a movie that exhibits the gospel?  Sure, point out some details that the Bible describes differently, but go so far to say that the church shouldn't support it?  It's the gospel! In theaters! How could we not support it?  Who knows how many lives could be changed or how many hearts could be sparked with curiosity because of this movie?  If one person comes to Christ because of this movie, I don't think God will say, "Oh, no. That doesn't count because you didn't picture me with the right appearance."  That's ridiculous.  So I guess the real question is, what's more important to us: telling the world how knowledgeable we are of the Bible that we can call out everything that's wrong with this movie? Or telling the world the birth, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ? (Note: this movie in NO way replaces our urgency to actually share the gospel with people, but it is a great way to start.)  Are we more concerned with being great Christian critics? Or expanding the kingdom of God?  Let's refocus our priorities here.  In the words of Peter from the last scene of "Son of God": We have work to do.